Mark Bitterman’s book, Salted: A Manifesto On The World’s Most Essential Mineral, With Recipes

I just thrifted a copy of this comprehensive ode to the world’s many types of salt, filled with more information about the mineral than any person should probably ever know. I mention this because in the section listing flavors for various salts, these descriptive terms are used: wild horse sweat (wild, because everyone knows that domesticated horse sweat has a weak, inferior taste), snake venom, soldering flux, circuit boards, a dream of lactose and seawater, a young pangasinan (which, as far as google search says, is a province in the Philippines, so… a young Filipino?!), deep jungle animal hide, play-doh (which I at least agree, has a specific flavor), modulated undertones of gruyere (again, at least gruyere has a distinct taste, but modulated undertones?), spectral clarity, noxious paint, potter’s studio dust, elusive cucumber (which, coincidentally, will be the name of my next psych rock band), and that’s just a handful of the ridiculous descriptors. How can anyone take that sorta shit seriously? I understand that you’re writing a guide and have to differentiate the most subtle of differences, but am I the only one who thinks that this does more of a disservice to the topic, than not? Then again, I’ve always had a distaste for extravagant wine descriptions, so maybe it’s just me. Nevermind. It’s not me. That shit is pretentious and laughable. Although, I am now planning on grinding circuit boards on my next Nicoise Salad, or would tween Filipino sweat be better?